When I finally left my abusive partner, it took me a long time before I felt confident. Every day was a struggle with anxiety attacks that seemed to come from nowhere. Being finally free scared me and I wasn’t used to living a life free from fear, free from not knowing if I would be beaten senseless or ridiculed and mentally abused.
As the weeks and months went by I was able to go about my day and act like any other normal person. But this was only on the outside. On the inside, I was anxious when someone spoke to me, especially a man. I was stressed when I went shopping because there were too many choices (my abusive partner controlled the money so I was never allowed to go food shopping and I had to eat whatever was given to me).
When I look back at how far I have come over the years, it makes me smile. I have become a better person and started a coaching business to help other survivors get their lives back. You can book a free strategy call here: BOOK ME IN
Below are some of the strategies that I have used to help me gain confidence and I am sure that they will help you too.
Get up, get dressed and look your best.
There is no doubt about it that getting up at a reasonable time every morning and stepping into the shower, makes you feel so much better than getting up late and lounging in your pyjamas all-day does. Team that with styling your hair nice and putting on a little make-up to brighten yourself up and you are definitely on to a winner.
You don’t have to dress and look nice for anyone else but yourself and that is something I remind myself of every day.
Try this tip and see how you feel for the rest of the day.
Stand tall girl!
Think about it. When you are slouching, slumped and feeling frumpy you can’t feel confident. But reverse that and stand tall. Hold your head up high and push those shoulders back. Even if you are sitting you can still do this and feel better. It is as if you have been given an instant injection of confidence.
Try it right now and see how great you feel instantly. I bet you are smiling right now as you realise I am right.
Smile because you can.
Stop what you are doing right now and smile. Really put yourself into it and smile the biggest smile you can. How does that make you feel? I bet you feel good. You just can’t be sad if you are smiling. It just doesn’t work like that.
So get smiling while you are going about your day. And give your smile away to strangers in the street. That way you are passing on your happiness to someone else.
Go ahead get smiling.
“With confidence you have won before you have started”
Be more grateful
I write in a gratitude journal every morning and I have found that my inner happiness has exploded. Being grateful for even the smallest things really boosts your confidence. Don’t take this beautiful life that you have for granted no matter what chaos is around you. Be grateful, even if it is only for your morning coffee.
Over the years I have built up an extensive library of affirmations that I use to remind myself that I am a beautiful, worthy person.
I find that the simplest affirmations work best for me, for example,
1/ “I am perfect just the way I am”
2/ “I can do this”
3/ “I am worth it”
4/ “I can do anything
You can write them in a notebook and keep them in your bag so you can read them any time you are out and about. You can write them on post-it notes and stick them up on your bathroom mirror to remind you how great you are.
It may feel strange at first but trust me when you have been doing this consistently over a period of time you will start to feel the benefit and you will be doing it without knowing.
Give it a go, what can you lose?
Fill your home with positivity
This is something that I do now and it makes me feel so much happier and more confident in my abilities. I fill my home with all the things I love. I have affirmation art on the walls, I surround myself with all the things that I love. I fill the rooms with lovely aromas from candles, wax melts and incense.
All these things elevate my mood giving me confidence within.
Go out and search the shops for all the things that make your heart sing.
If you are a woman survivor and finding it hard to get the life you deserve then let’s have a chat over zoom. Together we can work out a plan to move you forward.